New Beginnings

New Beginnings always hurt, in some cases because they imply the birth pangs of something, but in other cases they hurt because they imply the death of something. I cant believe that I was dumb enough to believe that if I only gave it time, that if only I stuck around, if I treated her well and we shared fun experiences together that it would draw me closer to her heart. In the end I'll never measure up--I know that now and although it hurts a lot there is a certain peace that comes with acceptance. it's the story of my life--always good friend, but never a partner. I'm in a lot of pain right now, and I don't know how I'm going to go on without her being a part of my close circle. Just knowing that I'll never see her again makes me sick to my stomach and makes me feel empty inside. But that is the way it must be if I am ever to remake my life. Six years of my life gone down the toilet--who can I go to to get a refund on wasted time? In a way it's good that I'm in pain--it serves me right for being an idiot---and in life morons deserve to be punished swiftly and severely many times over. I wish I could wrap it all up neatly in a bow and say "ok kiddies what did we learn from this?", but the truth is there is nothing to learn from this experience--only the acceptance of pain. Over the next few days I'll slowly exorcise the poison, the hurt, the sadness, the pain from my system--but I wont necessarily be smarter for having gone through it, and inside there will always be a huge empty spot where this friendship used to be. After all is said and done are any of us ever really the wiser for what we go through? It may make us feel better to say yes, but in the depths of our heart are we really? This area of my life is one in which I remain as clueless as when I was 16. Perhaps that in itself is a message that I should accept a destiny where i rely on myself and nobody else and give up on the idea of companionship. After all we are born alone and die alone--why not live alone?

Opening a New Chapter in my life? That's a laugh--what if the novel reads the same way the whole book through? I'm reminded of Nicholson in the movie version of The Shining writing entire pages made up of one sentence repeated over and over. I'm not turning the page, instead it feels more like I'm crawling on my hands and knees--but I don't know where to. If my life is a psalm then the Lord must have a pretty funny definition of what it means to praise. I better shut up now before I say anything foolish....

Jets beat Pats

Thank God!! Finally we beat this team in a playoff game. Beating Brady and company feels like the weight of the world is off our shoulders. Tom Brady was sacked 6 times by the Jet defense last night and was picked off once. The Jet defense was tenacious and it was largely due to them shutting out the patriots for most of the game (didnt score their 1st td until the end of the 3rd quarter) that the Jets have now advanced to the AFC Championship for the 2nd year in a row. Up next a tough game against Pittsburgh....

Jets Win!!

In a nailbiter of a game the Jets beat the Colts, the look on Peyton Manning's face was priceless. The Jet ground attack ran over the Colts in the 2nd half, though Sanchez's passing game was a bit off all game. Kudos to the defense who held strong. Now we get to do it all over again next week against New England.

Go Jets

The Jets have made the playoffs under the gutsy leadership of Rex Ryan and 2nd year quarterback Mark Sanchez. It has been truly a team effort--this is a team that has no real "superstars" in it, although it does have good players. Basically in order to win the whole team has to pull together. They've done that enough times this year to have won 11 times and lost only 5 games. The first round game is this saturday night and it's a tough draw against the Indianapolis Colts. Hopefully the relentless Jets blitzes can rattle Peyton Manning and the Jet ground game can grind out the opposing defense long enough to open up some long range bombs to Holmes and Edwards. If we happen to win then thats when it's going to get really interesting ....a third game with the disliked Patriots, but let me not get ahead of myself....

I've been a Jet fan since I was a small kid, the green and white flows in my blood. Win or lose they had a good season. Go Jets!!

Happy New Year 2011

Can't believe it's been over a year since I last posted on this thing--i guess i'm just not a good diary keeper either online or in pen and paper format. Time is strange--in many ways I'm a different person than I was 2 years ago--in other ways not much has changed. The one thing that has definitely changed is that I'm older. And so here we are--2011. What the future may hold only the Lord knows, whether it's good or bad or as most likely a mixture of both, the only thing that one can be sure of is that it will pass. Life is about dealing with change. If we adapt we are successful, when we can't adapt we crumble. Without sounding too corny (hopefully), I find in my personal life that faith in God helps me to adapt to life while keeping a hold of certain things that should never change-- namely the core of my being. As we begin this new year my wish for you is that you may be like a wax paper boat released on a stream--able to float on the water, not sink, and always able to navigate the currents of the stream even if we cant always control where the current takes us!!